Emotional abuse is like murdering your soul

Any behaviour that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults is called emotional abuse. It is so controlling that some women who have left a verbally and sometimes physically abusive relationship twenty or more years ago still find themselves wondering, "Maybe there’s something I could have done...," or, "Maybe if I’d tried to explain just one more time my relationship would have gotten better."

Very much like brainwashing, emotional abuse systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, and trust in his/her perceptions, and self-concept. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.

Cutting deep into the core of a person, emotional abuse can create long-lasting scars. The insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she/he is completely incapable of judging the situation realistically. The person becomes so emotionally worn down that they blame themselves for the abuse, clinging to the abuser, due to their low self-esteem.

Victims of emotional abuse can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go, and they have so little faith in themselves, not trusting that they will be helped.  Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Types of emotional abuse include: 

• Domination: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to receive it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
• Verbal assaults: Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self-confidence and self-worth.
• Abusive expectations: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfil all this person's needs.
• Emotional blackmail: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
• Unpredictable responses: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behaviour from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
• This behaviour is damaging because it always puts you on edge. You're always waiting for the other bomb to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. It’s like walking on egg shells, constantly remaining hyper-vigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.
• An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance. 
• False sense of reality: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
• Constant chaos: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. 

If you find yourself in a situation like that, or know of someone in a similar situation, there is help. If you cannot find the support you need through friends and family, there are various support groups and professional organisations, such as POWA, FAMSA and Lifeline, who can steer you on the right path.

You do NOT deserve to be treated this way. Take back your power!